Stay
by LadyPalma
Summary: Set after the end of the show. Doctor Clarkson is about to move to Edinburg, but Isobel wants to confront him about it and also has some news to share...


**Stay**

"Good morning… Doctor Clarkson?"

It was impossible for Richard to ignore Isobel's high voice, nor her repeated knock on the door. However, in spite of her attempts to catch his attention, he just nod absent-mindedly in reply and kept pretending to be busy in collecting papers on his desk. Luckily for her though, she didn't need a formal invitation to walk in the room and actually, that unusually hostile behaviour only made her stubborness increase.

"Cora told me that you are going to move to a hospital in Edinburg" she stated then, taking now a careful look at his moves. It occured to her only in that moment, that it was actually no pretence and that he was really busy in emptying his office, in order to give it up for the next replacement.

"You see, Mrs Crawley, someone once told me that one needs to go where he is useful and clearly for me, this is not Downton anymore"

She looked down for a long moment, trying in vain to hide her guilty. She was the one to have said that to him years before, right after taking the decision to leave for France during the war; but if in that situation, he had been the one to give her a sort of comfort in spite of their unediable contrasts, now she was right the one to make feel him useless in the first place and she knew that very well – too well.

"You will be missed" she said though, without thinking too much. Because it was exactly what he had said to her back in 1917 after all.

He remembered it too and the small bitter smile that immediately appeared on his lips confirmed it. "For a couple of days, maybe a week. But I'm pretty sure you are all going to survive my departure and-"

"Maybe I won't"

The way she quickly but softly interrupted his attempt of irony made Richard finally stop any of his other activities and look up at her. There was something in her brown eyes that spoke of sincerity, regret and sorrow and, as he blinked in surprise, that last emotion filled his own blue eyes as well. He was actually seeing her for the first time since she had showed up at his office; she was actually seeing him for the first time since a very long time probably.

"This is not fair, Isobel" he whispered weakly, in something halfway a warning and a begging.

He casted her a last quite unreadable look before returning his eyes on his work. It was only when he started again to clear the desk that she realized the full meaning of that look: a goodbye, or actually a dismissal. But if he thought that she was going to back down so easily, he was bound to be proved wrong, because Isobel approached him instead and promptly placed her hand on his one, reaching at the same time both the aim to stop him and the one to make him look at her again.

"I'm serious, Richard. I value our friendship very much and it is so essential to me – _you_ are essential to me…" she paused for several moment. It was hard for her saying enough to make him see but not too much to leave her uncovered, also because she was speaking about her feelings for him for the first time to herself as well. "All these years you have always been my rock to lean on, don't you see? Since I came here, I had moments of happiness, I suffered, I mourned, I made mistakes… So many things have changed since then and they changed me, but somehow I knew that you were always there for me. I fear that I'd be lost without you and maybe I'm selfish, but I just- I can't lose you"

He stared at her all the while and many things crossed his mind. He could have told her that he felt the same, he was ready to confess that actually he didn't want to leave in the first place, but fear took over bravery once again and so, he just sighed instead.

"You don't really need me anymore… Lord Merton is going to be your rock now"

Somehow, it was her turn now to smile bitterly. "I'm not marrying him" she announced plainly, but then seeing his incredulity, she continued. "It was a rushed decision, I guess I have just been caught too much in the situation… I wanted to make him happy and to help him through his illness… But when – thanks to you – I found out that he was going to be fine, I also realized that I was going to marry him for the wrong reason. And _that_ wouldn't have been fair"

Unexpectedly, in front of her open-hearted confession, he just let out a humorless slight chuckle. "Oh, I see" he mumbled nodding thoughtfully. "He's dying so you choose him, I'm leaving so you choose me. Why do you always feel the need to fix things? I guess you need some drama before you decide to act, don't you? Well, let me tell you this… You can't save everyone and certainly not me. Because I don't need you to save me from anything." – _Apart from loneliness, lovelessness and a broken heart_.

His words hurt much more than expected, and they hurt because they were true. Isobel had always had in her life the vocation to save everyone indeed, but surprisingly she was also more selfish than the doctor could imagine. In fact, what he failed to see was that she wasn't there for him, but for herself. She didn't want to fix him, this time she needed to fix herself first.

"You are right. I don't have to save you, alright, but right now I'm asking you to save me"

 _Save me from the mistake I was about to make marrying someone else._

 _Save me from myself, my too generous heart and my unawarily selfish mind._

 _Save me from my pain, my hurt, my soul-ache._

Their eyes locked for several seconds, as her silent requests reached him. In the meanwhile, she took his other hand too and now she was holding both of his hands in her own tightly, as if she was afraid to see him walk away at any moment.

"What do you want me to do?" Richard dared to ask then, eventually surrendering at her touch.

Isobel just smiled, openly and sincerely this time. Her hands soon freed him, as she gently placed them on his face instead; she slowly attracted him to her, until their faces were just inches close and their lips almost touched. However, before they could, she hesitated for a moment and just whispered the request she was now sure to be satisfied with.

" _Stay_ "

* * *

 **Basically, in my own richobel bubble, I consider this the canon of what happened after the end of the show, and no one can tell me otherwise (or actually you can, but I'll pretend I won't believe it lol).**


End file.
